mixed emotions

so if i've ever given the impression that it's all fun and games having 2 kids (or even just one), i assure you it's not. don't hear me wrong - i count it a pure blessing and gift from God, both Lilly Jo and Jack Lewis. neither seth nor i deserve them and we are so thankful for their lives...they bring us so much joy.

but again, it's not all fun and games. many days are very hard. there are still fun and lots of cute moments of the day. but the days are very hard. to me at least. i rarely get a chance to take a picture of the kids as they're melting down when it's 15 min past naptime, or 5 minutes past feeding time. i'm too busy trying to get my act together to fix the screaming that's occuring, so pictures are not my first thought. i promise, however, that there are many of those moments:) i'll try and take a picture of it next time...

this past sunday seth and i dedicated Jack Lewis to the Lord at our church. this is where we stood in front of our church members and committed, by God's grace, to raise Jack up according to God's Word and his purposes. to pray for him. to love him with God's love. it was a very special time. we chose a verse of the Bible, Psalm 33:18, as a prayer for Jack's life -

"But the eyes of the Lord are on those who fear him, on those whose hope is in his unfailing love..."

BUT.

not 2 hours after dedicating jack to the Lord (what i consider to be a highlight and honor in the life of a parent), we went to lunch with my mom and aunt cathy...and i had a meltdown in the restaurant and left. jack was hungry and fussy, and lilly jo was screaming because she didn't want to eat and it was past her bedtime. and i guess my nerves were shot and my patience was gone. so i told them i needed to leave and i got up, left my half-eaten plate of food and took jack home to feed him.

end. of. rope.

or

i.have.no.rope.

either way, you get my point.

so that afternoon my sister called and asked if she could watch lilly jo for me for not one but 2 nights. so i can take a few naps and help jack learn to take better naps.

ahhhh. sigh of relief. mixed with sadness.

it's humbling to again realize i need help and can't do it all on my own, all the time.

so tonight, seth and i are sitting watching A.I. and playing with jack, missing lilly jo and the sound she makes as she plays with every single toy in the house, as she runs her little fast feet to the bathroom to take a bath, as she screams with excitment when seth chases her and picks her up and throws her in the air.

but i'm thankful for the chance to breathe a bit and focus on jack. and that makes me think about everyone else who's been so helpful to me/us... my wonderful husband, my mom, seth's mom, carol, nat and john, brooke, austin, and so many, many more. people have helped with laundry, making meals, watching kids, changing diapers, letting me nap, etc.

i would have had many more breakdowns without you all!

one of the many pics nat has sent seth and i of peanut and binanas having tons of fun together:)